FoR: Nathaniel Shaw

It had been several days since Kira received Nathaniel’s latest letter. It had done its job in distracting her from her thoughts and dreams while she mulled it over. She had drifted off into either dreamless sleep or ones occupied by the aforementioned man telling her how to behave or what he thought about her and their correspondence. The princess had tried many times to write back to him, to respond in kind in order to understand what he truly meant with her occupying his thoughts, but wondering if it were wrong. Kira struggled with her words as she wrote them, tossing several papers into the hearth before deciding on what her next step was.

After being out most of the day running collections throughout the noble district, Kira had plenty of time in her own head to devise a plan of action. She went to her room to change out of her dirtier clothes, swapping for something that would help her blend in a bit more. The princess grabbed the letter from under her mattress - you could never be too careful with prying eyes - and left her bedroom, the door clicking shut behind her. “Leo” she started, slipping the letter into the pocket of her cloak as she approached one of her guards. Kira took a moment to explain where she wanted to go, and asked for a favor of privacy from the guard when they arrived at the destination.

The pair set out down the hall after an agreement was reached, Leo convincing Kira - though she really did not have a choice - to allow him to bring along two other guards that would remain scarce as they made their way through the district. “Extra eyes, miss. Your brother’s rule.” He reminded her, and Kira knew it was smart both to have more than one guard as well as to follow her brother’s guidance. She didn’t need another family member keeping her locked up for what felt like all of eternity when she already had a mother to fill that role. Plus, she now knew what she was up against - especially after nightfall.

Kira was taking a risk going to see Nathaniel, but it was one she felt was necessary and she was willing to take. She wanted some sort of clarification or answers in real time, and what better way to get those than showing up unannounced? He had asked about visiting, so Kira knew she would not be a necessarily unwelcome sight, despite how irritated he might be at her surprise visit. The princess walked with Leo to the address that Nathaniel had listed as his parents home, making pleasant conversation as the other guards trailed behind. All were dressed as inconspicuous as possible, not wanting to draw any unwanted attention to themselves or the princess. Kira kept close watch of the numbers listed on the homes, though some of them were covered or unmarked. She could feel herself becoming more nervous - where she was once very confident in this decision - as she approached the home that was being worked on.

The sun was only going to be up for a short while longer, at which time Kira assumed they would wrap up repairs for the evening. “Can you wait here?” She asked Leo, giving him a small smile as she assured him that she would be both safe and as quick as possible. He informed her he would be waiting at the threshold, and gave her a limited amount of time to finish her conversation, check in with him, or leave. Kira agreed to his terms, and turned on her heel to find Nathaniel.

She was about to knock on the front door when it opened, an unfamiliar man behind it. He looked just as surprised to see her as she was him. “Hello” She paused, wondering why she was so stupid as to think Nathaniel would already be alone in the house, if he were there at all. “I was looking for Nathaniel. Is he here?” She asked, now feeling a little embarrassed for showing up like this. The man let her know that he was upstairs finishing up a wall patch - or something like that - before giving her a small nod and leaving the home.

Kira easily found the stairs, carefully navigating around the construction materials and tools that had been left for the continuous job that they were working on. She made it to the landing, thankful for her foresight to bring clothing that she was more comfortable in, as she looked around. The princess hadn’t visited many homes outside of her own, as a matter of fact she had not been inside any homes that weren’t her own outside of parties and social events. She took her time navigating the space, peeking into rooms as she half searched for Nathaniel half looked for clues about him.

She was unsuccessful in the clues, but was brought towards the back of the house by what could be humming or someone talking to themselves. Kira moved slowly down the hall before she reached the room where the noises were coming from. It was there that she found Nathaniel working, reaching up to a spot on the wall, maybe the same one he had written about in one of his letters.

The princess cleared her throat with a small noise, hoping to gain his attention as she leaned gently against the door frame. Before he had even turned around, Kira took the letter from her cloak pocket and pretended to read it. Her eyes were cast down at the page as a light blush rose to her cheeks. “So, I guess my main question about this is why bother writing back at all if it were to simply tell me you weren’t going to write to me?” She glanced up, her lips pursed as she thought about what else she wanted to say before he was able to even acknowledge her presence. “You think of me as more than a title, but here you are, ending simple letter writing because of it.”

I built these walls to hide my ghosts

You trace the wounds exposed.

I try to let you in.

But I fail again and again.

TAG: Kira Sophia  ||  WORDS: 1097  ||   NOTES: You shouldn't be here

---

In the following days after sending his last letter to Kira, he internally berated himself for several reasons.-- For being too forward, open, honest, and allowing his emotions and feelings to come out, even a little bit. He couldn’t pursue a relationship with anyone, no less a princess. He pushed people away and kept his walls up to avoid becoming too close to anyone. Nathaniel couldn’t lead Kira on or give her the wrong impression if he had no intention of, or ability to pursue her, lest he get himself into trouble.

He knew that his letter had been rather contradictory and that he perhaps shouldn’t have even sent it. The letter he should have sent, should have only been the last part, and that’s it. Short and to the point that their letters should--or needed to, come to an end. Unfortunately, he hadn’t fully thought things through as he wrote the letter, and it only came to him after it had already gone out. Now he had to worry over whatever would transpire from it.

Nathaniel lived a lonely and isolating life, which he bestowed upon himself. But every so often, he still longed for something, feeling that he didn’t entirely wish to live his life alone. He wanted a relationship, to have a family, and something more to his life, it was almost always why he let his guard down if only a little-- but his lack of trust in others, his fears, reservations, and his self-loathing often got in his way of anything and caused him to build those walls higher around himself.

During the beginning hours of the day, he had spent most of it doing the outside repairs to the house, while he had most of the daylight and more help from those willing enough to offer. The inside repairs were reserved for the later hours in the day and evening--either by himself or with those he knew enough to trust inside his parents’ home, and wouldn’t steal from them. After everyone left for the day, Nathaniel often still continued to work, by candlelight, to which he sometimes lost track of the time and ended up staying up far too late.

Most had left for the day, save for a few men who were finishing up a few things before they too would retire. Nathaniel had lost track of the time, as usual, and continued working, completely focused on the task at hand. Edward (the family’s steward) often had to come to remind him to stop and take breaks to eat or rest, otherwise he’d become so lost in his thoughts, and the work, that he would forget to do anything else. It had been him who answered the door and directed Kira up the stairs to find Nathaniel before he went off to retrieve needed materials and run various other errands.

He was alone working on that part of the house and expected to be left alone, so he didn’t worry over keeping his typically reserved manner. When he was alone, he often muttered his thoughts and ideas to himself. Sometimes he hummed random tunes or songs that would come to mind, in order to block out the thoughts that plagued him. Other times-- like the one at the moment when Kira heard him from out in the hallway-- he switched back and forth when he couldn’t steady his own mind. His deep voice vibrated from within his chest and echoed through the room. He hummed against the scraping sound against the wall as he worked on patching up the seems he had created on the walls when he had to make the necessary repairs. Just before Kira walked in, he started muttering something about how he should have done something, before he went back to humming where he had left off.

He was dressed plainly--black pants were covered in dust, paint, and dirt. His shirt was somewhat disheveled from an obvious long day of work, also covered in dust, paint, dirt, and clung slightly to him from the sweat caused by a long day of being in the heat and working, nearly non-stop. The sleeves of his off-white-colored shirt were rolled up to his elbows, however, if only to provide a small bit of relief.

Nathaniel didn’t hear the clearing of her throat, at first, due to his own humming and the scraping sounds over his head from his work. But he got that sense of someone being behind him, that caused him to fall silent and turn as she began to speak. A look of slight startle and surprise rose upon his features before his eyebrows lowered in a sign of confusion. It took a brief moment for him to process the words she had spoken and then to figure out what she was talking about.

But--what in the hell was she doing here? He stared at her with that same intense gaze he often held, but it was laced with that confused expression as if silently questioning her what the hell she was doing there.

Once everything seemed to process in his mind, he quickly realized how he must have looked, and that she was probably expecting him to say something. Nathaniel glanced down, quietly assessing himself before he realized his arms were exposed. He tried to hide his brief moment of panic, by nonchalantly unrolling the sleeves back down his arms, as if he were trying to somehow make himself a little more presentable to her. But what was the point? He wasn’t at all presentable--for the second time, being in Kira’s company. It was irritable to him.

When he glanced back up, his eyes narrowed a bit as his eyebrows lowered. “What are you doing here?” He asked her, some of that irritation seeping through the tone of his voice. His gaze moved from her to behind where she stood, obvious that he was looking to see if she had anyone accompanying her. When he didn’t see or hear any sign of someone else, he returned his brown eyes to meet her own gaze and he shook his head. “You shouldn’t be here… If it’s not safe for my family to be here--it certainly isn’t safe for you, either.” For the time being, he was disregarding her question or any of what she was trying to confront him about. “You’ve wasted your time coming here… I’ll show you out.” Or perhaps he didn’t want to answer her questions or have any part of this conversation.

ⒶⓀⒾ

FoR:Nathaniel Shaw

The princess wasn’t sure what she was walking into when she went to see Nathaniel. When Kira made her decision to go to his home unannounced, she did not expect a warm welcome. It seemed to her that a man like him wouldn’t respond well to an intrusion into his home or his privacy. However, she did not quite care at this point, considering his letter and his claim to being honest with her. She didn’t think he was lying about anything that he had written, but he was confused - which in turn had disoriented her - and she wanted to sort it out instead of ending whatever it was they were doing over a silly letter. Her aim of the meeting was to better understand him, and stop bothering him if that was what he truly did want.

His coldness and outward irritation toward her gave her pause, though not in a way that would cause her to lose sight of why she was there. “I’m here because of this.” She held up the letter again. “I thought that much was clear.” Kira watched as his eyes darted behind and around her, half expecting him to yell at her about being by herself. Her eyes nearly rolled into the back of her head at his comment about it being unsafe, though instead she only let out a deep sigh. It was clear that he wouldn’t be talking about much at all today, if anything, but perhaps this was the answer she needed. If he was going to be so back and forth - comforting then confrontational - Kira wasn’t sure she wanted to continue whatever sort of bond they had been lamely attempting to build through letters over the last month.

“No need to see me out, Nathaniel, I’m sure I can find the door myself.” She told him simply, turning around and making her way back towards the stairs. The princess was careful as she moved down them, just as she had been when going up. She could hear Nathaniel following behind her, annoyed that he felt he had to be some sort of escort inside of his home. Leo trusted her enough, why couldn’t someone who had only met her once give her the same?

She reached the landing and moved back down the hall, this time not pausing to look at anything that hung on the walls or sneak any glimpses into Nathaniel’s life. Kira was only a few paces away from the door when she stopped mid step and turned to face him. She took a deep breath and turned to face him. “I’m not in the habit of embarrassing myself or anyone else in front of my guards, who happen to be waiting outside.” She paused, eyes locked in on his as she spoke. “I don’t want this, so you can take it back or find another time to explain yourself...but I would rather not read it twelve more times to try and figure out what it is you’re trying to say.” She took the letter that was in her hands and pushed it into his chest. “Either you want to do whatever it is we are here doing, or you don’t, but you cannot tell me you wish to visit with your sister and never talk to me again in the same letter.”

I built these walls to hide my ghosts

You trace the wounds exposed.

I try to let you in.

But I fail again and again.

TAG: Kira Sophia  ||  WORDS: 713  ||   NOTES: Does it matter?

---

In any other situation, maybe Nathaniel would have reacted or responded differently. But she had taken him by surprise, caught him off guard, and showed up unannounced stepping into his private life that he wasn’t prepared for. She had told him that she wasn’t allowed to visit others--yet here she was--the last person he would expect to show up. He often reacted instinctively rather than thoughtfully. And this was one of those times.

His brown eyes shifted to the letter--his letter he had sent last--as she held it up to show him, making it obvious that he had upset her by it. Even though it would be obvious to everyone else why someone would be upset by it, Nathaniel stood there wondering if it had been because he was too forward, or too feeling, or too--something. His contradictory words were the last thing he felt would cause the problem at hand, because to him, it was that instinctual self-preservation.

He still hadn’t said anything, but his lips parted to say something, but instead, he only released a breath just before she assured him that she didn’t need him to see him out. Nathaniel remained silent, even still, but he released an annoyed sigh as she turned and walked away. What had been the point of her coming this way, just to announce she received his letter, and then leave?

“Kira--wait,” he called after her, but she hadn’t stopped and was already heading back down the stairs as he stepped into the hall to go after her. Had he heard her or did she just not care to speak with him anymore?

When he reached the landing of the stairs, he quickly turned the hall and watched as Kira nearly walked out. He stopped suddenly as she turned to face him and began her confrontation about not embarrassing herself in front of anyone, and that she didn’t wish to read his letter twelve more times? His eyebrows lowered as he stared back at her with that same intense gaze, not really knowing what to say, or what she wanted to hear from him.

Kira pushed his letter into his chest, but he stood still, unmoved by whatever force she might have been able to cause against anyone else to make them falter in their balance. As she removed her hand, the letter dropped to the floor and Nathaniel made no attempt at picking up the letter, or even looking at it as it laid at his feet.

The thing was, he didn’t know what he was trying to say or get across in his letter, and that confusion, insecurity, and something of a distraught expression played across his features as his eyes wavered between hers as if searching for an answer.

For a moment, it didn’t seem like he would say anything, his broad shoulders rose and fell as his breath escaped him somewhat heavily. His expression changed to one that might have appeared slightly defeated, maybe?

“I did not mean that I never wanted to talk to you again,” he finally said, the tone of his voice slightly gentler than his expression appeared. A lot-- warmer, perhaps, than it had been just moments before. He hadn’t really meant that he wanted to stop, but rather that they should before anything did progress and they weren’t allowed to any longer, at some point, but maybe Kira had missed the whole point of what he meant--or he hadn’t gotten that across the way he had meant it. Clearly.

He let out a heavy sigh from his nose before he spoke again, “I just meant…” He hesitated and shook his head. “It doesn’t even matter.” He would eventually push Kira away just as he did everyone else who came into and left his life, whether it was now in this moment, or at some point down the line. She was giving up on him already due to his instinctual reaction to her surprise and unplanned visit. So why should he even bother to try and convince someone who couldn’t handle that? No one really could--and the sad part about that was he couldn’t even blame them.

ⒶⓀⒾ

FoR:Nathaniel Shaw

The princess didn’t falter when Nathaniel called out to her, but took a step back when Nathaniel didn’t move and the letter fell to the floor. Her eyes followed it’s flutter to the ground, remaining there for what seemed like ages. She could feel both a sadness and frustration building inside of her, Kira’s brain practically buzzing with irritation when he finally spoke and broke the lingering silence between them. She managed to tear her eyes from the paper on the floor, bringing her gaze back up to meet his. Kira could almost see the change take place behind his eyes, but still was unable to place what was going on in his head. She wished for a moment to have the gifts of the Elves and be able to read his thoughts.

Kira shook her head as he resigned himself to not explain anything, shutting down even sooner than she had expected. From their limited interaction in person before, she had understood Nathaniel was closed off and did not like talking about anything relating to himself or his feelings. Though in their letters she had managed to learn more about him, and thought that things were changing in their getting to know one another. Kira leaned down to pick up the letter from the floor. “It matters to me.” She told him, running a hand through her hair as she regarded him once more.

“That’s why I came here, to better understand what it is that you meant.” She paused, opening the letter, her eyes scanning over his words for what seemed like the thousandth time since it arrived at the home. “You say you think of me...but wonder if it is wrong, and then say you want to cease writing and continue on our separate paths.” She read from the letter despite knowing when and where the words already fell, and in what sequence they did so. Kira had mulled over his words for as long as possible up until the point of her decision to show up at his home, which was turning out to be one of her worst ideas yet. Possibly even more so than walking by herself before meeting Nathaniel. A blush rose to her cheeks as she heard the own shakiness in her voice, folding the letter back up as it had been.

The princess let out a sigh. “I’m sorry for intruding.” She managed to say, now feeling incredibly foolish. Kira had the tendency of acting too quickly, knowing that she should have thought with her head and her heart instead of just the one. Especially so when it came to Nathaniel, it seemed. It was too bad there wasn’t a dram of whiskey nearby, perhaps she could recover some of her pride. “I’m sorry.” She repeated, fiddling with the paper between her fingers. “I should have just let it be, or responded and told you to come to the house...I now realize how inappropriate I have been. I should go - let you get back to your work.”

I built these walls to hide my ghosts

You trace the wounds exposed.

I try to let you in.

But I fail again and again.

TAG: Kira Sophia  ||  WORDS: 1019  ||   NOTES: Emotions

---

If Kira didn’t want his letter, neither did he. He didn’t want to be reminded of his idiocrasy and foolishness, or that he had managed to push someone else away from him before ever really giving them much of a chance. And if she didn’t take it back, it would end up burning in the fire before he’d be able to even re-read his own words.

His gaze didn’t follow hers as she watched the letter drop to the floor and stared down at it. Nathaniel found himself wondering what was going through her mind at that moment. She had claimed she didn’t want the letter, yet he could somehow feel that sadness and frustration radiating from her. He could see it in her posture and entire demeanor as his gaze remained focused on her.

Even as she crouched down to retrieve the letter, his eyes followed her and once again, changed to an expression of confusion, not understanding why she was now picking it up off the floor, despite telling him she did not want it. Was she going to try and throw it at him again?

“It matters to me,” she told him. "Why?" He asked almost instantly after the words left her lips. Somehow, the tone of his single-worded question was filled with both doubt and confusion. Though, part of him wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to hear her answer.

Despite the confrontation and the discomfort he felt, Nathaniel stood there staring at her, unmoving and barely showing any sign of how uncomfortable he really was at that moment. Instead, his expression only showed confusion and that intense glare he had set upon her. Even as she looked away from him again to scan over his words, he simply watched her eyes as they searched the paper. As she paraphrased what he had written, he shook his head. He could feel the palms of his hands begin to sweat and his heart constrict in his chest, though outwardly, he showed no sign of any nervousness or distress, save for that look of confusion. Kira was reminding him of that vulnerability he had openly shared with her in regards to him thinking of her, and although he meant it, he wished it had been another one of the things he omitted.

"I said that we should stop."

Hadn't he? For the briefest moment, Nathaniel’s eyes lowered to the letter in her hands as if he'd be able to read through the paper to confirm his own words. Realizing that he couldn’t, he returns his gaze to meet hers again. Part of him hadn’t wanted to stop writing the letters to Kira, or stop receiving them from her. It was that reason alone, that he felt he hadn’t directly meant whatever he had written. The logical part of his mind--told him that this was wrong.
He had asked her the question--if someone found one of their letters, would this be forced to stop? Whatever this was. That very same part of his brain screamed at him to stop before it ever got to that point. Before one, or both, of them, began to foolishly feel anything. It was silly really--to develop feelings for someone through written words? Was that why Kira was here now, so seemingly upset by him suggesting they stop writing? Did she wish to continue? If so--he wasn’t entirely sure why. Was it some naive girl’s fantasy that something might come of this, despite everything in their lives that would try to stop it from ever being anything?

Perhaps he was overthinking all of this and had it all wrong. He surely hadn’t given her any sort of impression that he’d expect anything from her. He never did. If anything, the purpose of his letters had only been to ensure that she would be alright after her incident--to provide her with some sort of company to comfort her, because he had fought through those similar thoughts and couldn’t allow her to struggle alone with them as he had.

So why was she here, asking him to clarify what he meant by his contradictory words, so she could understand what he meant. But why did she need to know? He let out a deep sigh from his nose and shook his head. Lips parted to speak, but Kira was apologizing for intruding and suggesting that she leave. Again, he shook his head and inhaled deeply.

“Because it is wrong, no?” He answered, disregarding her suggestion that she leave. “I shouldn’t be thinking of you...and you shouldn’t be thinking of me… Because that’s the way the world works, Kira.” His brown eyes wavered back and forth between hers as he searched them. None of this was making sense to him, because they barely knew one another, yet each time she wrote that she thought of him and that he caused her to blush, it stirred feelings from inside him he couldn’t exactly explain or understand. It was wrong.

“What did you expect from...as you called it….silly letter writing?” Why was she here confronting him about his suggestion to end the letters? Was she expecting something from it all? Was she here because she wanted to continue writing, to dangle whatever these emotions were in front of him, only to someday have to stop it anyway because they’d no longer be allowed to. Or her mother would match her with someone else more suitable for a princess than he ever could be. That was the inevitable outcome, wasn’t it?

“Why have you come here, to ask me what I meant? Why does it matter?  Did you wish to continue writing, knowing that--”  He hesitated, deciding not to finish his question, but instead, started a new one. “Did you come wanting to find out if I meant that I really wanted to stop? What is it that you want here, Kira?  What exactly were you hoping to find out?”

ⒶⓀⒾ

FoR:Nathaniel Shaw

This man would certainly be the death of her - or at least of her ability to remain present and cordial despite the growing mixture of feelings that had been intruding her every thought since they met. It wasn’t just about Nathaniel, either. Her mind had been running in circles about where they were, what happened, and of course on their conversation that night. Kira had of course been busy with other duties and wanted to be more of a presence in the community, but she couldn’t help the way her mind wandered to him and his silly letters throughout the day, regardless of what she had been occupied by. It annoyed her, among other feelings, that she had noticed this about her head. It was unsettling to her that someone as stubborn and closed off as Nathaniel had gotten under her skin.

At first she was writing to him from a shared experience and to thank him for his kind gesture of giving her the book, but it grew into something else - at least for Kira. She wasn’t completely certain what that something else was, but the princess had thought that a relationship of sorts was growing between them. Whether it was a friendly bond, a playful banter, or anything else, she didn’t much care as long as it served both of them and provided comfort to her and whatever it was Nathaniel was gaining from her correspondence. He had said that he looked forward to her writing - had wanted to visit her - and now due to a few sentences from the letter in her hands, it was all imploding in front of them. She was certain it wasn’t what she wanted, and had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn’t his implied intention either.

Kira let out a groan at his simple question of why. “Is that so difficult to understand?” She asked, her brows furrowing together as she stood in front of him, annoyed that she had to look up a bit to meet his eyes. “Why?” She took a pause, letting out a sigh. “Because against what is probably my better judgment, I enjoy talking to you.” She tucked the letter back into her pocket, changing her mind every five seconds about whether she wanted to keep it or not. Kira did not think anything about their communication was silly, but also didn’t want him to know how much she had valued his words - especially now. “And before you take my comment and turn it into something it’s not, what I mean is that you are maddening.” The princess took a deep breath. “You are maddening, and irritating, and Goddess, locked up so tightly it makes me want to hit something.”

She stood there for only another second before speaking again, having now apparently opened up some un-closable door on weeks worth of her inner thoughts. “You are all of those things, but somehow you also manage to be thoughtful, kind, and even on some occasions charming.” Kira offered, thinking that if now was the last time she would be able to voice her thoughts in person or otherwise, she may as well be as honest as she said she was. He wanted to know why she came there, and she was trying to explain it in the best way possible. Was he the man that he was when he helped her, when she went down to the medic, in his letters, or some amalgamation of all of those combined? She wanted to know him and understand him, which was hard to do when one was being told they could no longer communicate.

“Is it wrong to want to know someone?” She asked him then, her gaze softening as it searched his face. “How is thinking of someone else so terrible?” She questioned, her brain only now realizing how close she had gotten to him during her frustrated speech about him. “My life may not always be my own or up to me, but my thoughts and who I choose to interact with are mine entirely.” Of course that wasn’t one hundred percent accurate, as Kira’s mother certainly had thoughts on who she should surround herself with, but that had never stopped her before. Kira took a moment, her fingers coming up to rub at her temples, head starting to ache with something she probably didn’t want to address, but wanted to speak on it if it was her last chance.  “I came here to see if it was because of my title that you wanted to stop speaking with me, or who you’ve learned I am, but I think I have enough of an answer.” She paused, her voice quiet. “Nathaniel, of course I know things are different and more complicated because of where my place is in society, but Goddess is it so much to ask for even companionship in some way? I didn’t come here expecting you to profess your undying love for me.” She scoffed at that, her once steely features replaced with a hint of a blush.

I built these walls to hide my ghosts

You trace the wounds exposed.

I try to let you in.

But I fail again and again.

TAG: Kira Sophia   ||  WORDS: 1282  ||   NOTES: Charming?

---

Nathaniel hadn’t really known what to expect after sending the letter that Kira now held onto. Though a small part of him hoped she would take his suggestion to heart and wouldn’t write back to him. The other part of him knew she didn’t seem to be the type of person who would just let it go. What he hadn’t expected, was for Kira to show up here at his parents’ home, confronting him about his words. If anything, he was prepared to read her arguments, for her to maybe tell him that it was fine to continue writing and that he shouldn’t worry about it. Or for her to at least write that she agreed and it was time to say their goodbyes and move on with their lives. But for her to show up like this-- he wasn’t entirely sure if she was trying to get some other point across to him.

He blinked several quick times at her question, his brows lowering as he narrowed his eyes again. Was it difficult for him to understand why it mattered to her? Yes--it really was. Though he came across as a stubborn, confident man who didn’t allow much to bother him, he did not think highly of himself or feel he was worth anyone’s time or thoughts. For Kira to tell him that she allowed him into her mind was something rather abstract for him to comprehend. He didn’t feel that he’d done or said anything really worthwhile to occupy that space. To him, he felt that maybe all of this was her way of still trying to repay him for saving her. What other reason would there be for a princess to be giving him the time of day--to think it was worth coming here? Or was it to put him in his place for one reason or another?

He stared back down at her, folding his arms across his chest as he regarded her. A doubtful expression mixed with the confused one that remained on his face when she admitted she enjoyed talking to him. Against her better judgment. Nathaniel watched as Kira tucked the letter back into her cloak and he raised an eyebrow. Now she was keeping it? And he was contradicting? His lips parted and he inhaled, about to say something, but Kira cut him off, letting him know just what she thought of him. He was maddening, irritating and locked up so tightly, she wanted to hit something. Nathaniel couldn’t help but smirk at her words. ”Then hit something,” he quietly suggested, almost seeming to suggest she hit him But just as he was about to say something else, she was speaking again.

'Thoughtful, kind, and even on some occasions charming', she told him. He let out a quiet breath resembling something of a half-hearted laugh and shook his head. “Charming?” He said doubtfully as he raised a brow, studying her. Once again, he found himself wondering what he had done to make her have that opinion of him. No one had ever described him as such. Maddening, irritating and stubborn, maybe, but never charming.

”You don’t know me,” He said quietly. At some point, the more Kira got to know him, he was almost certain she’d wish that she didn’t know him. He pushed people away--he didn’t keep people in his life. “Should I really be thinking-- Admitting to think about a princ--” He cut himself off, knowing she’d throw that in his face again, him using her status as an excuse when she had admitted she liked that he treated her differently. Nathaniel imagined he would feel the same exact way if he were of royalty. He sighed deeply and shook his head. “Admitting to think about a woman I’ve just only met--And met under the most inappropriate circumstance?” It was foolish and insensitive, he thought.

He, too, had only just noticed how close to him she was now, but he didn’t step back or move away from her. He remained planted where he was, his intense gaze never leaving hers as she spoke, defending her ability to have her own thoughts and who she chose to interact with. Kira still hadn’t answered his question regarding what would happen if someone read their letters. Though most of it seemed innocent enough, he knew he had written some things that may give someone the wrong ideas. Hell--maybe even Kira had gotten the wrong idea herself. Maybe he, himself, had gotten the wrong idea in all this silly letter writing. Was he overreacting? Nathaniel honestly couldn’t remember if he had given any sign that he could possibly ever, or did, have feelings for her-- or if that had been that desperate part of his mind that longed for something he knew he might not ever find for himself. Not with what he had dealt with. Not with the way that he was.

He quietly listened as she explained why she had come, but his expression softened only slightly and he shook his head as she stated she had enough of an answer to assume his reasons for no longer wishing to speak with her. “Have you already stopped wearing the pin--You make more assumptions, princess…” He couldn’t help but smirk. “I have not learned anything more about who you are… And yes--” He released a sigh from his nose. “There is a small part to do with your title… Because a man like me…” He paused, hesitating. No, he knew he shouldn’t finish that sentence. Whatever this was--was nothing, so how could he say that a man like him would never have a chance with a woman like her? But he had already started the sentence, and he knew she would ask him what he was going to say, so he tried to think of whatever else he could say to fill in the blanks without sounding so completely foolish and… vulnerable. “...Should be focusing all his time and energy on his training to protect a kingdom and the royal family.” He had no idea what else to say.

Was it too much to ask for companionship… In some way? Maybe not, but he felt he would be all the wrong types of companionship for her. He sighed again, about to speak, but once again, Kira didn’t stop talking, and he almost wished that she had. “I didn’t come here expecting you to profess your undying love for me.” His eyebrows furrowed together and he looked at her curiously, catching the slight blush that rose upon her features. He felt his heart nearly leap into his throat at the idea. Not because he had those types of feelings for her--it hadn’t even been a thought of his. But her placing the thought into his mind, suddenly sent him into a quiet panic. He laughed nervously, letting his arms finally drop from across his chest and he set his hands on his waist. “You’re right. Forgive me.” He raised a hand to scratch the back of his neck as he shook his head. What else could he say? “Perhaps I was out of line in assuming you would not be allowed to choose your own…” What was that word she used? “...Companions.” Nathaniel allowed the corners of his lips to twitch into the slightest smile. He realized he had perhaps overreacted on all accounts, and he felt rather ridiculous and embarrassed now.

ⒶⓀⒾ

FoR:Nathaniel Shaw

The spike of irritation that Kira had felt when expressing her feelings to Nathaniel about what he had said drifted into something else as she waited for him to say something - anything. How was it that he could be so verbose in his letter writing, but when it came to addressing something in real time and in person it seemed like he faltered. She had caught him off guard, that much was true, but it seemed that he had thought a lot about their communication with one another that she assumed he would have some rationale for quitting it already built up in his head. Was it so wrong? The question had lingered in her head since she read it on his letter. Of course she had been concerned about them being intercepted, but it wasn’t as if they were scheming together, planning to run away, or doing anything more than telling one another how they were feeling or what their thoughts were. What was so horrible about that?

The princess kept her eyes locked in on his, not wanting Nathaniel to think that she had lost some of her resolve. Her eyes narrowed the slightest bit at his comment about hitting something. She had thought about hitting him right then, pushing him as far away as she could physically to maybe mirror that in her own mind. Instead, she remained solid in her spot as she waited for whatever it is he was going to come back with. “You haven’t given me much of a chance to get to know you, Nathaniel.” She told him, brows drawing together again as he attempted to explain herself, nearly bringing up her title once more. “From what I recall the only inappropriate aspect of our meeting was the third person involved.” She told him, again wondering what it was that was so wrong about them.

Would her mother love that she was writing to a man? Of course not. Would she ever find out? Also probably not. Was Kira glad to have some part of her life to herself and not scrutinized from every corner? Absolutely, but Nathaniel was doing a good job of getting rid of all of those concerns with his excuses about not wanting to continue writing or speaking with her.

She groaned as he spoke of assumptions, her eyes breaking contact with him only to roll up to the ceiling before settling back on his face. “Of course I’m still wearing it - I’m not the one who is trying to cut things off and claim that everything is horribly inappropriate and wrong for reasons that are still unclear.” Kira said quickly, wanting to reach up and prove to him that she had it on her person, but knowing that wasn’t truly what he cared about. Though if he wanted it back, she would take it off without thinking for another second. It was his to do with as he pleased, and if he wanted to limit any connections for fear or whatever it was he was so concerned about, she would give it back no further questions asked.

“A man like you...what?” Kira asked quietly, hoping for some sort of revelation that would make her feel like she didn’t come here just to be told to leave. Her face dropped at his mention of protecting the family. Of course he would determine for himself that he would be bound by duty to Vanyar above anything else, and perhaps even his own happiness if she were a guessing woman. It seemed that Nathaniel was more like the other people of Vanyar than he originally gave himself credit for.

The princess shook her head at his apology, mirroring his earlier stance and placing her arms across her chest. “I don’t accept that.” She pursed her lips together, thinking of the ways he had apologized so many times within his letters - an apology that she did not need or want - only to have him use her title as another excuse. “A man like you...I wonder what it is you actually mean by that - especially so since I don’t really know you, as you’ve so kindly reminded me.” She stated, her face set, despite his small smile in her direction. “A man like you shouldn’t render aid to someone? Should not....allow anyone else to know you? Should ask a princess if he can come visit with his sister, but in the same breath say he should never speak to her again?” She paused to take a breath. “You can’t blame me for wanting to hear from your lips what it is that you want from whatever this is..but I’m sorry for showing up unannounced.” She apologized, taking a step back from him. “That was rude of me, and probably the most inappropriate thing about this.” She moved to leave, though silently hoped for some modicum of truth or hope before heading back outside to her guards.

I built these walls to hide my ghosts

You trace the wounds exposed.

I try to let you in.

But I fail again and again.

TAG: Kira Sophia  ||  WORDS: 1787  ||   NOTES: A Man like me...

---

Writing words down was a lot easier for him to do than speaking them. He could take all the time he needed to think of what he wished to say, but when someone stood in front of him, expecting him to respond right away, his inner thoughts often got in his way, making it difficult to gather his words and form sentences. Nathaniel was a far better listener than he was a speaker. If Kira had written back to him with the argument she was making now, he would have had the time to think of his response before he would write to her. And although he had already thought out the various responses she could have sent him, all of that had gone out the window as she stood before him making her argument, ridding of that invisible barrier of distance that had existed between them. That kept him safe.

As he stood there, he wondered if he should have just let her walk off as she intended to before he followed her. Was there a whole point in this whole thing? The longer it went on, the more confused Nathaniel came, and he wasn’t entirely certain why. Kira’s words had given him something to look forward to, she was a sweet, caring, and funny woman that he felt he might even enjoy talking with. She passed through his mind far more than he would have liked her to, which was what made this frustrating and wrong for him. Nathaniel didn’t know or understand the emotions involved with any type of companionship--whether it was as just a friend or something more. It was easier to hold everyone at an arm’s length, not letting anyone get too close, never letting anyone know much about him beneath his surface. It would prevent any sort of disappointment or hurt--things Nathaniel didn’t have the time or energy for. Any time someone came along that would test those limits, or cause him to feel anything, his initial response was to step back, push away and find any excuse to get away from it. And now with Kira challenging that, he didn’t exactly know what to say. Something told him that: ‘You got into my head and made me feel something, and I cannot accept that fact, and that’s why it’s all so wrong and can no longer continue,’ didn’t quite seem like something he wanted to admit. Most of all, because he did not wish to indicate that he felt anything at all.

Or perhaps it was just that Kira was so naïve to think that there was nothing wrong with this situation at hand. If someone found their letters, it would be him who would be questioned and in trouble. As innocent as the letters might have seemed between them, the context could have easily been misconstrued by someone else. Kira was a princess, which meant a man like him, nobility or not, really had no chance. But to admit that was what he meant-- seemed a bit too desperate and presuming for him to admit that the thought ever crossed his mind. This should have just been friendly letter-writing and nothing more. He had promised her a book, and after sending it, that was where it should have ended.

But why was Kira here fighting him on it? She had told him that she enjoyed talking with him, that it shouldn’t be wrong to get to know someone or think about them. He wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it all. Was she fighting to keep whatever this letter-writing thing was, to continue? To form some kind of companionship with him? The problem was--Nathaniel didn’t think himself to be worthy of that much, not when he would most likely push her away and hurt her in the end. And not if their feelings did develop into something more, only to have that pulled away because she would be matched with someone higher in status than he was.

Just as Kira held her resolve, so did he, not pulling his own gaze from hers. He would be damned if he showed her any more vulnerability than he already had. “Should I?” He countered with her, unsure of why she would want a chance to get to know him, especially with the way he had acted the night they met and now. She should have just continued to walk away.

And it would seem that no matter what excuse he’d give, Kira would find some sort of argument against that. She didn’t seem to think he was being inappropriate by thinking of her after the way they had met. Kira was right though, compared to the third person involved, he was less so, but he still felt rather strange, or wrong, as if he were somehow taking advantage of the situation, even though that was the farthest thing from the truth. He let out a heavy sigh and shook his head in response, not knowing what else to say to her.

Despite all of his excuses, the point he was trying to make was going unheard, misunderstood, and seemingly unclear to Kira as she admitted she still didn’t know why he was trying to cut their communication off from one another. There was something about knowing she still wore the pin, that it was still there on the spot over her heart on the inside of her cloak, that caused a flutter inside his chest. His gaze dropped to that spot for the briefest of a moment as if expecting to see it--forgetting that it was hidden, which caused him to return his light brown eyes to hers again. His expression had softened slightly, perhaps a small hint of appreciation appearing on his features at the fact that she still kept and wore it. He did care, but how could he admit that? Just as he refused to take his letter back--he would have done the same with the pin if she tried to give it back.

Nathaniel’s face dropped again as Kira stated she didn’t accept his apology. Or was it that she didn’t accept any of his excuses? His eyebrows knitted together and he gave her a curious glance. And then as she decided to fill in the empty pieces of his sentence of what kind of man he should or shouldn’t be, he could do nothing but stare at her.

“You can’t blame me for wanting to hear from your lips what it is that you want from whatever this is..” He stared at her with a questioning, or confused, expression and shook his head slightly. Whatever this is? Was there something in this? What did she wish to hear from him? What did she want from whatever this was? He sighed almost inaudibly and ran a hand down his face out of frustration.
By the time his hand dropped back down, Kira was backing away from him and apologizing again for showing up unannounced. As she moved to leave, Nathaniel hesitated at first, but then took a step forward reaching his hand out to brush against her arm, as if he might have gently grasped hold of it to stop her, but he didn’t. His fingers grazed against her skin before he pulled his hand back and spoke, hoping his words would at least halt her.

“Kira--” He breathed a sigh from his nose and shook his head. Again, he didn’t know why he didn’t just let her leave. Perhaps her words were getting under his skin a little now. “A man like me doesn’t…” He hesitated yet again because he didn’t want to show her that vulnerability that echoed through his own head. A man like me doesn’t deserve to be known, he wanted to say, but it sounded far too negative and insecure, and that wasn’t the impression he wanted to make. “...Isn’t usually given much of a chance... to want anything.” It was true-- Nathaniel had lived most of his life going along with what everyone else wanted or expected of him--something he knew Kira might understand all too well.

“I did wish to continue to hear from you… As I told you, it had given me something to look forward to while being trapped here.” He glanced around at the mess of what once appeared to be a beautiful home that had been affected by the destruction. No matter how much effort he put forth, it seemed like an endless task. He breathed a small laugh out his nose as he shook his head, “in more than one way, I suppose.”

Nathaniel hesitated briefly, his eyes averting downward for a few seconds before he returned them to her face. “You said you weren’t able to leave…” He gave her a questioning glance as if to say yet here you are, and how or why? Had she risked whatever consequence just to see him? Or had her so-called prison sentence been lifted? “So I thought a visit might help with easing some of your entrapment feelings--and my sister is far better company than I am.” He searched her face before continuing. “I realize that was perhaps inappropriate of me to suggest, and maybe I should not have. But…” His eyes wavered back and forth between her own. He almost told her that he wanted to visit, that he meant his words. Instead, “And I probably should have added that letter to the fireplace along with the twenty other pages I tried to write…” Alright--so maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but it caused him to laugh. Or a sad attempt of a laugh. “My self-preservation tells me it’s wrong, tell me it might be better to quit before…” He stopped himself, unable to once again, finish his thought. He shook his head as if to simply imply he wasn’t going to. “You would be better off not to get to know a man like me… And I’m sorry if these were not the answers you were hoping to get.”

This time, he would hold himself back from stopping her again, if Kira decided again she wished to leave. He wouldn’t blame her, but part of him felt guilty that she had risked something in coming here to see him--only to be turned away rudely because he couldn’t handle whatever emotions and feelings were coursing through his mind. Yet, she hadn't exactly told him what she wanted either, or what her intentions were for coming--other than wanting to learn of his own.

ⒶⓀⒾ

FoR:Nathaniel Shaw

Kira was a people person, as she had explained to Nathaniel before. She liked getting to know people, figuring out how they worked, what they loved, and everything possible that she could get her hands on. She wasn’t able to meet many people in such a random way as she had met the man in front of her. It was both something she was thankful for and wished never happened in the same breath. She would have preferred to not need any sort of rescue, but was grateful that it was him and not someone else looking for another opportunity. Though he was stubborn that night, Kira had been under the impression that he liked her enough - or at least didn’t hate her - especially when the book arrived and he followed through on what he had said he was going to do.

She honestly wasn’t certain what she wanted from this conversation, as it seemed to be going in circles. Initially the princess had hoped to suss out what he meant by his statements in his letter, but it seemed he was just as confused in person as he was when he was writing his sentiments only a few days ago. It had thrown her for a loop as well, because while she didn’t consider anything they were doing or saying inappropriate outright, she could see where it could be confused for that now that he had mentioned it. Despite the fact that she had read his letter so many times, she supposed that she was only seeing parts of his letter and not the whole picture. She had really zoned in on the never speaking again piece and pushed the rest to the side. None of it really impacted how she had felt, however. She felt a connection between

“Goddess, I don’t know. Should you?” She asked, bringing her arms up in exasperation before they fell to her sides once more. “I thought that’s what we were trying to do - get to know one another, no?” She gestured in the space between them, her resolve crumbling before her very eyes. Kira did want to get to know Nathaniel, that was the point of writing to him after all. She wanted to learn about him and try to get him to stop omitting things. She wanted to understand where it was he came from and honestly how he managed to stay so guarded all the time. It seemed like a bastard of a time to have to keep everyone at an arm's length.

Even so, perhaps Kira had been too pushy. She had shown up unannounced demanding answers, and then wondered why he didn’t have them prepared for her. Just as she was about to reach out for the door handle she felt his fingers graze her arm. Kira closed her eyes at the barely-there touch, her body stilling even more so at the sound of his voice. She stood there for a moment, staring at the door as he spoke, his words hitting her as if he had weaseled his way into her brain and read her thoughts aloud.

Kira turned around at that, this time her eyes had lost a bit of fire that they previously held. “Well I’m encouraging you to do the opposite. What kind of life are you signing up for if you don’t allow yourself to want for anything?” She asked, knowing full well that the only reason she was in his home was due to pushing back against the expectation to follow orders blindly. “Would you live your whole existence like that? Being ordered and not allowing yourself any autonomy?” She let out a sigh, knowing full well that the majority of her own was likely to be that way, though she would do what she could to deter that.

As Nathaniel continued to speak, a small smile formed on the princess’ face. She didn’t think he was lying about wanting to hear from her, but might have gotten things jumbled in his head when he wrote what he did. “I wasn’t able to leave for a bit. I’m only here now because of them.” Kira told him, nodding outside. Her smile faltered a little at his continued statements about what he should and should not do, reading between the lines before his final sentiment. She wanted to keep pushing him to finish his thoughts and give her some insight into what he was thinking, but figured that she had done enough damage for one evening. What she had set out to accomplish was far from the reality of their conversation.

“I think I’m perfectly capable of deciding who I’m better off not knowing, but that’s neither here nor there.” Kira hesitated for a moment, back and forth on if she wanted to share with him in person how she had been feeling about him. Especially considering it might be the last time they spoke if it were up to Nathaniel. She let out a deep sigh before giving him a tight lipped smile. “I would still love to meet your sister, as company is always welcome.” She paused for a breath. “And maybe someday you can tell me what was in those other twenty letters.”

I built these walls to hide my ghosts

You trace the wounds exposed.

I try to let you in.

But I fail again and again.

TAG: Kira Sophia  ||  WORDS: 914  ||   NOTES: Only for me to know

---

The conversation was going in circles and he knew that he was partially to blame for that. He wasn’t sure what to think or do. While his head told him to continue to push her away, to be cold and distant, to make her not want to remain here in front of him. He had almost succeeded, and something had caused him--was still causing him to convince her to stay. There was some sort of back and forth battle he was fighting in his own mind and he couldn’t quite make sense of it.

He watched the frustration rise on Kira’s features. He hadn’t given her much of a chance to get to know him--he didn’t give many that chance either and had typically succeeded in pushing people away before they ever came close to knowing too much. In all honesty, Nathaniel wasn’t sure what the purpose of his letters to Kira was. While she assumed they were for getting to know one another, Nathaniel had thought of it to give her something to try and take her mind off of what had happened, and to ensure that she was alright. He hadn’t planned on continuing, but with each letter he received back from her, he felt guilty about leaving her hanging and waiting for a response. He inhaled deeply, made obvious by the rising of his chest. And after holding the breath for a moment, he released it out his nose as a sigh. “I don’t know…” He said, almost sounding a bit unsure, or maybe disappointed in himself more than anything else. “Like I’ve told you in my letters… There isn’t much to know about me.”

As Kira stood there staring at the door, he was almost certain she would walk out regardless of what he had said. To his surprise, she turned back around to face him, and tried encouraging him to allow himself to want, regardless of what kind of life he thought he was already destined for. It wasn’t that easy and he was almost certain that Kira knew that for herself. He looked at her curiously, his brown eyes studying her as if trying to read her mind. “Would you?” Nathaniel quietly and gently challenged her. He shook his head before continuing, “you shouldn’t give advice, or put someone down for the way of their life if you, yourself, cannot take that same advice.”

His eyes shifted away from her and towards the door at her mention of what he guessed were her guards and them being the only reason for her being allowed to leave. He was glad to hear that she hadn’t come alone, yet she hadn’t worried about coming alone in the house to see him? Nathaniel returned his gaze to her and offered a slight smile. “Good to know you are still keeping your stalkers around,” he lightly teased.

Despite whatever attempt at a warning he tried to give her about not knowing him, Kira didn’t seem to want to accept that. While he didn’t doubt that she was capable of making that decision for herself, he still felt it was necessary to deter her. Someday, he was quite certain he would be able to tell her I told you so. He let his eyes roll upward before looking at her, shaking his head, “I’m sure you are capable of deciding a lot of things, princess-- but how often are you allowed to?” Maybe it was wrong of him to remind her of such, but she had pretty much told him that was most of how her life had been.

In the silence that lingered between them, Nathaniel studied her once again, wondering what she was thinking at that moment, and what she would argue next. Instead of arguing, though, she spoke her mind, admitting that she still wanted to meet his sister. He forced a small smile and nodded, laughing silently. “I am sure I can make that arrangement if you wish.”

But her next comment caused him to pause, his smile faltering a bit. There were many reasons behind why those letters ended up in the fire, and the biggest reason was that he didn’t want her to read the words that had been spilled out on the parchment.

A slight cocky grin formed on his lips and he leaned closer to her as if he had a secret to tell her before he spoke quietly, his voice a deep guttural sound that vibrated in his chest. “If I wanted you to know what was in them, they would have ended up in your letter and not in the fire.” He breathed a quiet laugh before he leaned back and stood straight again. For a brief moment, he watched her closely, brown eyes studying her until he glanced around the room as if trying to search for something, but when he looked back at her he sighed before speaking in a more pleasant manner than he previously had been. “Would you care to take a walk with me?” Nathaniel knew that his request might have seemed out of place and unexpected, and maybe it was, but he was trying, in some sort of way, to make amends, if only because he felt bad for snapping at her when she had made such a bold move in coming to confront him. Or she had somehow gotten through to him. Just a little bit.

ⒶⓀⒾ

FoR:Nathaniel Shaw

It seemed that Nathaniel loved answering Kira’s questions with questions of his own. That, or merely contradicting her without any evidence was infuriating. She managed to remain calm, however, and listen to what he had to say. He really was a mixture of traits - as everyone was - but he was so back and forth with who he wanted to present himself as. In one moment he was kind and almost charming, but then the next moment he wanted to have nothing to do with her. Kira tried to not take it personally, and had been doing fairly well, though it was more difficult when she was actually in front of him and had to see his face change when he was frustrated or annoyed with her.

“Would I?” She scoffed at that, her eyes widening as she looked around the room they were in before landing back on his face. “I’m here, aren’t I? I wanted to come.” She paused. “I haven’t yet had to combat my mother in regards to my autonomy but I’m certainly going to try.” Kira had spoken - in her letters or in person she couldn’t remember - about her mother setting her up with someone and arranging a marriage. It had been what she expected, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t try to push back against what was thought of as the way things were. The princess didn’t have a lot of opportunities to promote her autonomy, but she liked to think that when she did, she would try as hard as she could.

His smile about her guards remained one-sided as she studied him, wondering why he was still engaging with her and why she wanted to stand there and bicker when her time surely could have been spent in more productive ways. Her resolve crumbled a bit when he leaned in close, seemingly teasing her about the letters before resuming his position. The princess could feel a heat rising to her cheeks and she was annoyed by her tell, something that she had tried to quell over the years. Kira had worked hard on schooling her facial expressions and had been successful, but this was something else entirely. She took a deep breath, about to tell him that she was leaving when he spoke again.

“I...what?” She asked, brows drawn together as she regarded him. Was a walk more appropriate than letter writing? She laughed then, shaking her head. Maybe her visit had proved mildly successful after all, even if she didn’t get any solid answers throughout their limited and very maddening conversation. “I’m sorry, that was rude. Of course, I would love to.” The princess gave him a small smile as she adjusted her cloak.

I built these walls to hide my ghosts

You trace the wounds exposed.

I try to let you in.

But I fail again and again.

TAG: Kira Sophia  ||  WORDS: 867  ||   NOTES: Autonomy

---

Perhaps he was the one making assumptions now as he pointed out her contradiction of insisting that he shouldn’t live the life depriving it of the things he wanted. But she had told him (or so he thought), several times, that she wasn’t allowed to get out much. She had told him the night they met, and she had told him in her letters when stating she was being held hostage in her own home. Yet, she was arguing with him regarding her autonomy. It left him a little more confused, and maybe that was written clear across his expression.

But when Kira spoke those four words: I wanted to come, he felt his heart catch in his throat, causing him to pause. She wanted to come? To see him? Or was there some other ulterior motive? Nathaniel sighed and scratched the back of his neck, not really sure what to say or do. He felt foolish, uncomfortable, and awkward, but also guilty for reacting the way he had when she had wanted, and took the time in coming here.

He noticed the color rise on her face as she blushed. Kira had admitted a few times in her letters that his words had made her blush, and that he had been the cause of it--now he was seeing it happen for himself, just as he wrote he would have liked to see it (Or had he thought that? Or was that something that had ended up in the fire?) Nathaniel couldn’t help but smirk at the sight, especially as he seemed to catch her off guard. It was rather cute, and he was suddenly realizing just how adorable she was--even in her moments of anger.

It was more inappropriate for Kira to be here inside his house and alone with him, than it was to go on a walk, where they would be more visible and out in the open. He shook his head as she apologized for her rudeness--as if he hadn’t been rude at all. “You have no reason to apologize,” he quietly told her before breathing a small laugh and nodding to her. Strangely, he felt relieved that she accepted his invite, even though he perhaps did not deserve her company at this point.

Nathaniel offered her a small smile before he stepped forward and opened the door, holding it open for her. He waited for her to step out of the house before he would follow, but not before he hesitated for a moment. He glanced down at his clothing, realizing what he must have looked like and did not appear proper enough to be accompanying a princess. Even though he assumed Kira wouldn’t be bothered by it, he still felt embarrassed and ashamed of himself. He attempted to smooth out the wrinkles of his shirt and brush the dust off his pants before combing his fingers through his hair. After his moment of pause, he stepped out of the house, shutting the door behind him, and made his way to Kira’s side.

The guard who had accompanied Kira glanced at Nathaniel suspiciously for a moment, as if he recognized him but couldn’t quite place it. “Princess?” The guard questioned her, wondering what was happening.

Nathaniel stopped and glanced to Kira first and then to her guard, to which he studied him for a brief moment. He would have been dumb to think that her guard would not question his intent and why he thought he could take a stroll with her. He forced a smile and nodded to the guard, “you are more than welcome to join us if you wish.” Nathaniel said politely. “It is a nice evening for a walk, don’t you think?” He looked back at Kira questioningly.

The guard looked a bit taken aback and he too looked at Kira. “Your highness… I do not think this is a good idea. You said you would not be long and we should head back.”

Nathaniel’s lips pulled into a tight line as he forced a small smile and leaned in a bit closer to Kira, speaking in a low tone, though loud enough for the guard to hear her. “Perhaps he is right…” His tone held reason behind his words, though it was laced with a twinge of disappointment. But Nathaniel had already made the mistake of telling the princess what she should and shouldn’t do, much like the guard was doing now--talking to her as a child, unable to make her own decisions. Kira had just argued with him over such a thing.

His brown eyes shifted back to the guard and he cleared his throat. “Though, I suppose the princess is quite capable of making her own choices? Especially when she has a guard in her company?” His words indicated that he was informing the man of his profession as a guard himself. It probably was not the smartest thing he could do, to speak to one of the royal guards in such a manner, and it could get him into trouble, he knew--but he said it with such confidence as if unbothered at the possibility.

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FoR:Nathaniel Shaw

Kira should have known better than to just show up at Nathaniel’s home. Her mother would have called her incredibly rude if she knew what her daughter was up to. Showing up at someone’s home - let alone a man's home - was not only impolite in Idonea’s eyes, but improper. It was of course why she had not told her mother anything. For all intents and purposes, the woman had no idea this man even existed, or that he knew Kira in any fashion. The princess understood why she would think those things, and honestly why Nathaniel had tried to stop her from engaging with him in person, but she couldn’t help herself.

It was why she had agreed to go with him on a walk, after all the words they had exchanged. She found herself wondering if it would help him open up, be more himself, or perhaps get more than a few words - or silence - as an answer to some of her questions. It would also give her an excuse to be away from home for a little longer, which was a nice change of pace for her. Kira had been used to living a solitary life in Vanyar, but being in an unfamiliar place with so much time to think had made her feel like she would lose her mind. Luckily her friend's visit had put her in a better space and lifted her spirits.

“I have at least ten reasons to apologize today.” She told him, eyes widening slightly in jest before she slipped out the door and waited for him to follow. His moment of hesitation made sense, after all she had forced her way into his house and now into his company for a longer period of time. Kira hoped that he didn’t feel like he somehow needed to extend his time with her in order to make up for their abundance of miscommunications both in their letters and in person.

Kira turned her attention to Leo. “Yes?” She asked, beginning to explain to him what their plans were as Nathaniel extended an invite to him. The princess smiled at that, knowing that whether or not they were invited to come, they would be joined by the guards on their excursion.

Her face changed, however, at his reply. Kira’s brows drew together as she mulled his words over in her head. She opened her mouth to respond when Nathaniel’s voice interrupted her thoughts. Kira managed to school her features and shut her mouth at his sentiment, impressed that not only would he stand up for her, but be so confident in what he was saying and how he said it.

“I am capable of making my own choices. Which I know could be surprising since you have known me since I was this high.” Kira held a hand out to her hip, as she had been around Leo since she was a small child. He had been assigned to Vanyar and the family much longer, which was why he was trusted with the princess, but she had quite enough of people thinking they knew everything about her or what she might want. Or worse, what would be best for her.

The princess’ annoyance at his sentiment was quelled by her present company. “We won’t be walking for hours, I promise.” She offered her guard as some sort of reprieve, despite not taking his advice. “If you could just stay back as you did on our way here, please.” The guards had listened to most of her requests when they were within reason - and sometimes when they weren’t - and as she did not have a lot of one on one time with people, she hoped they would give the space she desired. Kira didn’t need Nathaniel feeling even worse off about her than he already did.

With that she turned on her heel, giving Nathaniel a small smile. “Where to?” She asked, looking around the street as the lowering sun cast orange hues across her vision. “Thank you for what you said just then.” She added.